fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize