I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
