saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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