i'm lost and i look like a hooker
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
