can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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