your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
