Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
