just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
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He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
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All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
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