also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
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