So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize