Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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