Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
