and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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