i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
