Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
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Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
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This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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