Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
