Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
