I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
