i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
