You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
she told me i tasted like america
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
