I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf