ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?