Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys