Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea