Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.