I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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