How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
