do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
