I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
