I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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