Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
