Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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