I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
you have to choose: penises or morals?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
