Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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