True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
