my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
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Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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