hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
