I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
