Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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