who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
