I hope mine doesn't look like that
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
