if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Never joke about your clitoris.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
