i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize