if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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