I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
vagina is talking i cant
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
