I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
