we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
