I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
The police scanner is talking about you again....
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
