he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
