you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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