are you so shy because you have an std?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
