why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
