New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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