It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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