I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
