Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
