I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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