I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
