toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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