I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
