My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
