Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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