the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
