i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
