I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
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apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
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First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
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